Fotos falsificadas, piadas etc.

[P44]

"Ouve-se dizer que em Portugal vai ser, de novo, referendado o aborto.
Ao que foi conseguido apurar, a questão que será exposta aos cidadãos já está formulada e é aqui avançada em primeira mão.

A saber: Qual a sua opinião sobre o aborto?

a) Tem sido um bom primeiro-ministro.
b) Tem sido um primeiro-ministro ineficaz.
c) Nem sequer tem sido primeiro-ministro"

[Rui Elias Maltez]

E lá no forum do tio Jorge, esse post seria autorizado?

[P44]

E lá no forum do tio Jorge, esse post seria autorizado?

Nan compreendo a razão de ser dessa pergunta...pode ser mais explicito????

[P44]

[Sniper]

[P44]

Afixado no BANHEIRO de um Restaurante (?) em Portugal

[P44]

Este ano em Portugal, o "concurso" para colocação de professores nas escolas causou enorme polémica, nomeadamente devido ao programa informático escolhido pelo nosso Ministério da Educação que "Crashava" o
tempo todo e fazia colocações completamente aberrantes...

A este propósito o Diário de Noticias publicou um dia este cartoon:

[P44]

Diário de uma Mulher Insatisfeita

DIA 1
Celebrámos hoje o 25º Aniversário de Casamento. Tentámos reviver a nossa lua-de-mel, mas ele não conseguiu...
DIA 2
Hoje ele contou-me o seu grande segredo: Está impotente! Grande novidade... Ele realmente pensa que eu ainda não sabia...
DIA 3
Este casamento vai mal... Uma mulher tem as suas necessidades...
DIA 4
Estou entusiasmada... Li no jornal, que há uma nova droga no mercado, que pode resolver nosso problema. Chama-se Viagra. Ele vai substituir o Prozac pelo Viagra, na esperança que levante algo mais, do que só o entusiasmo...
DIA 5
Uma benção dos céus!!!
DIA 6
A vida é maravilhosa!!!
DIA 7
Tenho de confessar: O Viagra tem sido muito bom!!! Nunca fui tão feliz!!!
DIA 8
Acho que ele exagerou na dose de Viagra neste fim de semana... Já comecei a ficar um pouco dorida nas partes baixas...
DIA 9
Não tenho tempo para escrever... Ele pode-me apanhar.
DIA 10
Ok, admito, estou escondida! É que não há mulher que aguente tanto!!! O que hei-de fazer? Estou toda moída...
DIA 11
EU JÁ NÃO AGUENTO MAIS!!! É o mesmo que ir para a cama com um Black&Decker! Acordei esta manhã, colada à cama!!!
DIA 12
Quem me dera que ele fosse gay. Deixei de me maquilhar, tomar banho, escovar os dentes... Mas, mesmo assim, ele vem atrás de mim. Até bocejar se transformou num perigo!
DIA 13
Cada vez que fecho os olhos, lá vem mais um ataque... Vivo com um míssil Scud! Já mal consigo andar..
DIA 14
Já fiz de tudo para ele me deixar em paz, mas não adianta... Até já me vesti de freira, mas ainda foi pior... Socorro!!!
DIA 15
Vou acabar por matá-lo.. São umas dores infernais quando me sento.... O cão e o gato fogem dele e os amigos nem se atrevem a aparecer em casa...
DIA 16
Hoje, sugeri-lhe que largasse o Viagra e voltasse a tomar o Prozac... Ele quase me bateu!!!
DIA 17
Coloquei Prozac na caixa de Viagra, mas parece que não fez efeito... Lá vem ele outra vez!!!
DIA 18
O Prozac começou finalmente a fazer efeito! O meu marido passa, agora, o Dia inteiro sentado em frente da TV, com o controlo remoto na mão, à espera de que eu lhe faça tudo.. Ah! Que vida calma e maravilhosa...

[César]

[P44]

Estes jovens de hoje...sempre com PERGUNTAS CHATAS!!!!!!!

Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?

A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction honey.

Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.

A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?

A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass
destruction, did we?

A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll find
something, probably right before the 2004 election.

Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?

A: To use them in a war, silly.

Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a
war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war with
them?

A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those weapons,
so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend themselves.

Q: That doesn't make sense Daddy. Why would they choose to die if they had
all those big weapons to fight us back with?

A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.

Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those weapons
our government said they did.

A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those weapons.
We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

Q: And what was that?

A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was
a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.

Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his
country?

A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

Q: Kind of like what they do in China?

A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor,
where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to make U.S.
corporations richer.

Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate gain,
it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?

A: Right.

Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?

A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who
criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?

A: I told you, China is different.

Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?

A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China is
Communist.

Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?

A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?

A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent
to prison and tortured.

Q: Like in Iraq?

A: Exactly.

Q: And like in China, too?

A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand,
is not.

Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?

A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some laws
that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba
until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.

Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started
doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become capitalists?

A: Don't be a smart-***.

Q: I didn't think I was being one.

A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.

Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?

A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein
came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a legitimate
leader anyway.

Q: What's a military coup?

A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country by
force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.

Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?

A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our
friend.

Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?

A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly
overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate
leader?

A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us
invade Afghanistan.

Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?

A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?

A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men? Fifteen of them Saudi Arabians?
hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over
3,000 Americans.

Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of
the Taliban.

Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people's
heads and hands?

A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people's
heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.

Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back
in May of 2001?

A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job
fighting drugs.

Q: Fighting drugs?

A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium
poppies.

Q: How did they do such a good job?

A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would
have their hands and heads cut off.

Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing
flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for
other reasons?

A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people's
hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's hands for
stealing bread.

Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?

A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that
oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in public,
with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.

Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?

A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.

Q: What's the difference?

A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet
fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes
and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal
oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and
fingers.

Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.

A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our
friends.

Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from
Saudi Arabia.

A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

Q: Who trained them?

A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

Q: Was he from Afghanistan?

A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad
man.

Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.

A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of
Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan
talked about?

A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or
thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call
them Russians now.

Q: So the Soviets ? I mean, the Russians ? are now our friends?

A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after
they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our
invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French and
the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.

Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?

A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries
and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we
want them to do?

A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.

Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?

A: Well, yeah. For a while.

Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?

A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our
friend, temporarily.

Q: Why did that make him our friend?

A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?

A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the
other way, to show him we were his friend.

Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our
friend?

A: Most of the time, yes.

Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an
enemy?

A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can profit
by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.

Q: Why?

A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America.
Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a godless
un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?

Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?

A: Yes.

Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what
to do.

Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because George
W. Bush hears voices in his head?

A. Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes,
make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

Q: Good night, Daddy.

[P44]

Especial pra portugueses (E Brasileiros que estejam a par do futebol em Portugal )

Qual é a diferença entre uma dissolução e uma solução?
>
>Uma dissolução seria meter um Portista num tanque de ácido para que se dissolva.
>Uma solução seria metê-los a todos.

[Rui Elias Maltez]

Aos colegas brasileiros:

1.
Sabem como se faz passar uma manada de elefantes frente ao Palácio do Planalto sem que o Lula ou outros seguranças notem?










Não?













Com óculos escuros.





Já alguém viu essa manada de elefantes a passar frente ao Palácio do Planalto, em Brasília?













Não?













Então é porque resulta!!!!!!!!!!

__________________________

2.

Sabem como se faz entrar 4 elefantes dentro de um FIAT Pálio?

É fácil:

Dois à frente e dois atrás.


E três elefantes?

Dois à frente e três atrás, mas muito apertadinhos.

[P44]

[Sniper]

Mas os amigos Portuguêses "amam" o Santana Lopes hein... 8)

[P44]

..do fundo do coração meu amigo...



...bem no FUNDO (tipo Fossa das Marianas)